LID - November 2006

It is November 2009. Three years ago this month, we received confirmation from our adoption agency that our compilation of paperwork (dossier) had been registered with the CCAA (Chinese Adoption officials). At that time, we were told things were slowing down a bit with adoptions from China and it may be as long as 14-16 months until we were referred a healthy daughter from China. We set in for our wait. It boggles my mind that, three years later, after we have been home with our "special needs" daughter for 20 months, the wait continues in China. We would STILL be waiting had we not switched programs. STILL. And we would have waited at least another 18 months to two years, at best. Sometimes we all make decisions, that in the long run, may not have been the best. And then other times we make decisions, life changing-leap of faith taking decisions, that we couldn't imagine a better outcome to!

Halloween 2009

"What time are we going?" That is the question that was asked more than a few times in our home yesterday. We did our traditional Halloween party with our surrounding neighbors and then we ALL set out to trick or treat. There were A LOT of children and they were EVERYWHERE. Honestly, it was a little stressful. Thankfully, the children were quite oblivious to the chaos, their concerns being what house to go to next and keeping track of their accumulation of candy. Mason-Kate figured out quickly that the only thing she needed to do for a treat was to walk up and smile. Of course, I told her to say "Trick or Treat" and she retorted, "I can't say dat!" so she substituted with "Please" and "Thank You." By the end of our evening, the childrens question turned from "What time are we going?" to "Can we go home?" Luckily, we did decide to call it a night when we did....literally a minute following our arrival home, it not only rained, it POURED. The Trick or Treaters were gone and the trading of the candy began. Mason-Kate was up to her old tricks of being sly. As the boys were concentrating on the fair trade market, MK was busy stealing a piece here and taking a piece there from their loot.

The boys made pinatas in Spanish class this week. Our butterfly princess.

What happens when you go to the pumpkin patch late in the season? You wind up coming home with Charlie Brown's pumpkin, not perfect but in need of a little character. The children were proud so that is all that really matters. The second pic is of the children dancing to the Monster Mash!

And, last but not least, us. Not often do we dress up. However, we were invited to an adult only party in the neighborhood and being the social bugs that we are, we were happy to attend! Problem? No costume. An hour before the party was to begin, we were slated to go as Dorothy and the Scarecrow (with allergies not doubt as we did not have any hay to complete the costume!) from the Wizard of Oz. I was on the phone with a friend who mentioned the above idea....I shared it with Ryan and before I could even finish the description, he was busy making our shirts. We got several laughs.

What a fun week we have had! Monday, baseball. Tuesday, co-op and meeting. Wednesday, spanish, baseball and golf - note here that baseball was supposed to have ended last week but the game goes on. Another note, P played his first season of machine pitch baseball and came out with the highest batting average for his team. Thursday, Fall party for MK, pumpkin patch and pumpkin carving fun with family.

A conversation with one of the boys: (I was sitting at the computer reading an email from Ryan. The content was in response to something I had sent to him earlier and it made me laugh out loud.)

Son: "Mom, what are you laughing at?"

Me: "Well, I should just tell you that your father and I may not ever be able to give you everything you could possibly want or every Star Wars item you desire, but we can give you a safe, happy, loving home."

Son: "Oh, well, that is ok mom, you don't have to give us all of the Star Wars toys in the world. (I was looking at him thinking he is so sweet, he just needs us and he understands, aww - but then he continued...) There are only THREE Star Wars toys that we really NEED. (He proceeds to name them) Don't worry though, Santa is coming soon and I think he can buy it all."

Another conversation: (There has been talk of us POSSIBLY going back to China. Not anytime soon - the process is not fast and we will have to iron some things out first. And I should note, for the family's sake, it is all TALK at this point, everyone breathe.)

Son: "Mom, are we REALLY going back to China?"

Me: "Buddy, I just don't know. We would love to. If we do, it won't be for several years due to paperwork, being matched with a child and then waiting to travel. And we wouldn't necessarily get a baby - maybe a three year old or so. We will see. What do you think?"

Son: "I want to go back but I don't want to get a three year old."

Me: "Well, we will see. Why don't you want a three year old?"

Son: "I just want one that will listen to us when we tell her to do something - you know, one that doesn't cry!"

Me: "Good luck with that at any age!"

And, of course, a conversation with MK:

Her class went on a hayride on Monday.

Me: "Mason-Kate, did you have so much fun at school today?"

MK: "Yes!"

Me: "How was your hayride with your friends?"

MK: "Bumpy, me sit on my bottom. Colby sit with her (note he is a boy) mommy."

Me: "Oh, Colby sat with his mommy? Did you sit with Ms. Leila?"

MK: "Not so much."

MK did have a speech articulation evaluation on Wednesday. It showed a two month delay.

This is something I just remembered happened this past week and I want to remember it one day....one will ask at some point at what age did MK know she was adopted. I do not believe that she knows even what adoption means but I do know she is familiar with the words and uses them appropriately even at the age of 2. She loves the book "I Love You Like Crazy Cakes." We read it at least two or three times a week. It is a story for children about Chinese adoption. The story talks of the babies in the orphanage, their nannies, a mother's desire to adopt, the trip to China and back. When we read it together, MK's favorite pages are the ones with pictures of the airplanes....there is one page with a plane going to China - Mason-Kate will always say, "On that plane, my mommy, my daddy, my Pryce, my Col-Col - no Finwey, he at my house." Then there is the page that talks of being on the plane coming home from China and MK will say, "Me, me on that plane with my mommy, my daddy, and my boys." When asked, Mason-Kate will say that she was born in China. This has really been the extent of our talking to her about adoption. Imagine the surprise I had when she announced last week to her speech therapist, "I adopt China!"

The boys in our lives are gone yet again. Last weekend they spent camping with the childrens group from our church and this weekend they are camping with the Boyscouts. With that said, MK and I have had a lot of mother/daughter time to share. MK has always been one to imitate others. On Gotcha Day, MK wouldn't let me hold her at first. Instead she liked sitting on Ryan's lap and playing the "lean and look" game. I would lean one way and laugh and she would do the exact same thing, over and over. She imitates almost anything that she sees and likes, from singing to dancing to sword fighting, etc. - and now words. Apparently I say the word "seriously" too much. Yesterday I was changing her diaper and I was telling her that soon we are going to say "bye, bye diapers" and wear big girl panties. She cut her eyes at me and in a very 'you are kidding, right?' tone she said, "Seriously?"

Last night eight families, who have adopted a child internationally, gathered in our home to celebrate. One family just received their referral of a beautiful baby girl in China, one family just began the process to adopt from Bulgaria, two families are adjusting to life with their new little ones - one from Ethiopia, one from China, one family waits anxiously for news of their LID and the rest of us took it all in. It was an amazing evening of catching up, stories and laughter!

The serious and the not so serious....

Ring Around the Rosie.....and Hide N Seek (no one had the heart to tell the girls they should hide somewhere where they couldn't be seen!)

Red Couch Photo for the China girls!

Love Without Boundaries

Adoption from China leaves a trail of questions surrounding the child and how/why they became an orphan. Many believe that it is due to the one child policy and that most want a son. When I think of MK and her story, the thing that I personally am most curious about is her abandonment. Why was she abandoned? Assumptions can be made but we will most likely never know the reality of the situation. Below is a blog post that was written by a lady who works for an organization called Love Without Boundaries. I found it interesting and wanted to share:

I think it is a fair statement to say that most of us who have adopted internationally think that our child's birthparents made the decision to abandon their child. I have read many essays and poems where adoptive parents imagine the birthmother hiding in the bushes or watching until the tiny bundle is found. Perhaps that is how you imagine it to be as well. I know I certainly did, until I helped run a cleft mission where many of our patients were rural children with families.On that trip, parents told me one story after another that quite simply turned everything I thought I knew about abandonment on its head.I want to share one of those stories today, as I have been thinking so much about my son's birthparents lately.On this particular cleft mission, we had far more babies needing surgery than space available, so very sadly we were having to turn families away. We had set a weight requirement for the kids' safety, and we soon learned that parents were sewing rocks into their babies' clothing in the hopes that their kids would meet our 10 pound requirement. We also had begun turning away babies who were obviously younger than 5-6 months because we wanted to make sure the kids would do well under anesthesia.I was sitting in the intake room one morning when an anxious young woman came running in holding a tiny bundle. I could immediately tell that the baby was a newborn, and I asked our Chinese director to break the bad news to the woman that the baby was far too young for surgery. As she was given the news, the young lady burst into tears and began pleading and begging to have her child be seen. My friend came over to me and told me that I needed to go and speak with the woman in private, and so I did.She pulled back the blanket to reveal a tiny baby girl with severe cleft lip. The mother told me that her daughter was 28 days old, and that their period of confinement was over in just 2 more days. As she was crying and talking, the mom kept kissing her baby's forehead, and she kept telling me again and again, "I love her....I love her so much." But then she went on to tell me that her extended family would not accept her daughter since she had been born with a cleft lip. They felt this tiny baby would bring shame to them all. With tears streaming down her face, she told me that her mother-in-law was coming to take the baby away from her in two days' time. The mom was begging me to heal her daughter, to make her daughter beautiful, so that she could keep the baby that she had carried inside of her for 9 months….the daughter she loved completely.When I explained that the baby could not safely be put under anesthesia at four weeks of age, she fell on her knees and was sobbing at my feet, pleading and crying and begging me to help her. Right now...even typing this story....it brings a pain to my chest that I cannot describe.Over and over on that trip, I heard stories from birthparents who adored their children with cleft, but who were told the children could not stay in the extended family.I met a woman whose daughter with cleft had been taken from her by her in-laws while she slept. She never saw her daughter again. She had come to our mission after reading about it in the paper, to thank us for giving parents a chance to keep their children.....a chance she herself did not have.That trip changed everything for me about how I view birthparents in China. Many people give pat explanations about infant abandonment that cover the issue in blanket terms: “Babies are abandoned because rural families want sons.” “Babies are abandoned because the medical needs were too great.” Simple, one line sentences, to explain a personal life event that is often very complex.When it comes to human life, and heartbreaking decisions…..abandonment and loss.....I have learned that there are rarely simple explanations. Every single one of our children faced a great loss in their lives, but the reality is…..we have no idea about the deep, personal stories of the people involved. We have no idea who made the decision that a child couldn’t stay in the family. We have no idea of the anguish, or sacrifice, or resignation experienced. It is easy to think it was a birthparent who lovingly placed the child by the orphanage front gate, but it could have just as easily been an in-law or an uncle who was given instructions by the head of the family to remove the baby from the home.Every child has their own unique story. It certainly hurts more, however, to think that any of our kids have birthparents like the woman I met on that very somber day. There is still such a stigma surrounding children born with special needs, especially in the rural areas of China. For those of us parenting these amazing kids, the unknowns of their beginnings are very sad to think about, aren't they? Have you thought much about this issue? Do you normally think of a birthparent making the decision to leave a child? Or were you already aware that especially for children with special needs, many become orphaned to not bring shame to the family at large?"

Amy
Love Without Boundaries