Friday, September 2, 2011


Once upon a time there were two little girls. One was happily awaiting the arrival of her baby sister. She prayed for her "baby" in China. She missed her sister in China. She loved a baby sister she had yet to even meet.
One day the two little girls met. The one little girl told the other little girl, "Don't be afraid. We have waited and waited for you. We have loved you from afar. We are so excited to be your family."
The baby girl wasn't so sure about having a big sister. She was a bit jealous, to put it lightly. But with time, the baby sister began to trust and love her big sister. The baby would look to her big sister for help. And for hugs. And the two girls would talk to one another at night until they fell fast asleep together. And they would wake up together each morning....
and giggle or sing songs or read books or played games- always together.

A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life. ~Isadora James
"I am sorry Mommy. These papers fell out accidentally on purpose." This is my favorite MK quote yet. Her four year old mind is having trouble grasping the concepts of what is an accident and what is done on purpose. Love the innocence.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Going back a bit.....this time last year we were frantically trying to get our dossier completed. This time last year we had no idea who our Maddox was. In China, this time last year, our Maddox was having surgery, a lip repair. No mother. No father. No family. Yet, she was loved. We know this.
Adoption....Ryan and I were recently invited to share our adoption testimony with our small group at church. Our stories are different. Where I grew up with positive images of adoption all around, his experiences where adoption had been in his life, were not as rosy. I knew I wanted to adopt. Always. My neighbor growing up was adopted, positive. Annie was my hero, positive. Instead of "house," I played "adoption agency." I had a never ending love for children, all children, and I knew I could love any one of them, born of my flesh or born of my heart. This fact was confirmed in college while mentoring an eight year old girl. My dream was to be a mother. I knew, one day, somehow, I would accomplish this. And I did with Colin and Pryce. But, I wanted more. Adoption was the answer, it was part of my heart.
For Ryan, the story is not so glamorous. Unfortunately, for him, every.single.adoption experience in his life growing up did not have a positive impact on his life. Instead, they left him with a sour taste in his mouth. He was so unsure of adoption. He knew my heart. He knew my desires yet he questioned his ability to love a child, any child, the way he loved our boys. And the "what ifs" plagued him.
The other night, as I was clicking my way through available children in China, I came upon the most adorable four year old baby girl. She looks so sad. Her big, bright brown eyes look so lost. Her little head is shaved. And she is a month older than MK - four years old, four years waiting to be loved. Almost five. She reminded me of our girls. She is beautiful. Ryan was passing through the room and I said, "Awww, come look at this little girl. She just needs some love and a little hair and a bow in her head! I can't believe no one has snatched her up. She is just like our girls, repaired cleft lip and palate." Ryan looks. He shakes his head and says, "I know, B. If we only had the money." My mouth dropped. I said, "You mean you would go get her if we had the money?" He said, "Yes, why wouldn't we?"
Full circle. Adoption has changed us all.
Yesterday MK was watching a Disney show on tv for a moment while I finished up some work. She looked at me and said, "Hey, mom, I think that girl is China. She is small." Because I really was busy, I didn't say much to her other than acknowledge that she was talking. However, I knew what she meant. Later, we were out running errands and I said, "MK if someone is born in China then they are Chinese." Her response? "Yes, I know." So I said, "You were born in China but you live in America, so you are Chinese American." MK said, "Yeah, and I speak English. That is why I am American. Mom, there is this boy in my class who looks English but he speaks Spanish. I don't know what he is!"