Another time, I was visiting a friend and we were having dinner with several families who had adopted from China. We had only been home with MK for a short time and I knew very little about the Waiting Child program. I met a family with two adorable little girls, one was a NSN adoption, the other, a SN adoption. The mother began telling me of the child's needs and stated the care that she would need. Without a thought, I asked, "Did you know she was going to require such attention before you accepted her referral?" I did not mean any harm.
Weekly, even in China, people have approached me and asked, "Are they sisters?" The people who choose to ask do not mean harm. They also do not pay attention to what is in front of them. They are curious. If they paid attention to the scene in front of them before asking, they would take note of my very intuitive four year old, the one who does not miss a beat. You know, the one who speaks endlessly about her new baby sister. How confusing it must be to hear perfect strangers asking your mother if your new baby sister you have been praying and wishing for is really your sister.
Biologically speaking, no, they are not sisters. They were both born of different birth families and they were born in two different areas of China.
Familial speaking, yes, they are sisters. They were born of the same dream, the same parents, the same brothers. They were found and united with their forever family. They were wanted. They share the same history - they were both born to birth mothers who chose life for them, who cared enough for them to place them in a well traveled area knowing that they would be found, they both lived with foster families who gave them the best care possible until they were in our arms, they both came to us, their family, through adoption, and more importantly, through love.
When you see a family out and about with children who are of another race, please take the time to pay attention to the scene. Often, the parents do not mind the question in a private setting - I would take the time to explain to the grocer or the clerk or the attendant to tell them the miracle of adoption, the miracle of family through adoption, but not with my four year old, my eight year old, and my eleven year old in tow. Instead, hold your questions and make a kind statement about the beauty of their family.
