Sunday, October 25, 2009
This is something I just remembered happened this past week and I want to remember it one day....one will ask at some point at what age did MK know she was adopted. I do not believe that she knows even what adoption means but I do know she is familiar with the words and uses them appropriately even at the age of 2. She loves the book "I Love You Like Crazy Cakes." We read it at least two or three times a week. It is a story for children about Chinese adoption. The story talks of the babies in the orphanage, their nannies, a mother's desire to adopt, the trip to China and back. When we read it together, MK's favorite pages are the ones with pictures of the airplanes....there is one page with a plane going to China - Mason-Kate will always say, "On that plane, my mommy, my daddy, my Pryce, my Col-Col - no Finwey, he at my house." Then there is the page that talks of being on the plane coming home from China and MK will say, "Me, me on that plane with my mommy, my daddy, and my boys." When asked, Mason-Kate will say that she was born in China. This has really been the extent of our talking to her about adoption. Imagine the surprise I had when she announced last week to her speech therapist, "I adopt China!"
The boys in our lives are gone yet again. Last weekend they spent camping with the childrens group from our church and this weekend they are camping with the Boyscouts. With that said, MK and I have had a lot of mother/daughter time to share. MK has always been one to imitate others. On Gotcha Day, MK wouldn't let me hold her at first. Instead she liked sitting on Ryan's lap and playing the "lean and look" game. I would lean one way and laugh and she would do the exact same thing, over and over. She imitates almost anything that she sees and likes, from singing to dancing to sword fighting, etc. - and now words. Apparently I say the word "seriously" too much. Yesterday I was changing her diaper and I was telling her that soon we are going to say "bye, bye diapers" and wear big girl panties. She cut her eyes at me and in a very 'you are kidding, right?' tone she said, "Seriously?"
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Last night eight families, who have adopted a child internationally, gathered in our home to celebrate. One family just received their referral of a beautiful baby girl in China, one family just began the process to adopt from Bulgaria, two families are adjusting to life with their new little ones - one from Ethiopia, one from China, one family waits anxiously for news of their LID and the rest of us took it all in. It was an amazing evening of catching up, stories and laughter!
The serious and the not so serious....
Ring Around the Rosie.....and Hide N Seek (no one had the heart to tell the girls they should hide somewhere where they couldn't be seen!)
Red Couch Photo for the China girls!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Love Without Boundaries
Adoption from China leaves a trail of questions surrounding the child and how/why they became an orphan. Many believe that it is due to the one child policy and that most want a son. When I think of MK and her story, the thing that I personally am most curious about is her abandonment. Why was she abandoned? Assumptions can be made but we will most likely never know the reality of the situation. Below is a blog post that was written by a lady who works for an organization called Love Without Boundaries. I found it interesting and wanted to share:
I think it is a fair statement to say that most of us who have adopted internationally think that our child's birthparents made the decision to abandon their child. I have read many essays and poems where adoptive parents imagine the birthmother hiding in the bushes or watching until the tiny bundle is found. Perhaps that is how you imagine it to be as well. I know I certainly did, until I helped run a cleft mission where many of our patients were rural children with families.On that trip, parents told me one story after another that quite simply turned everything I thought I knew about abandonment on its head.I want to share one of those stories today, as I have been thinking so much about my son's birthparents lately.On this particular cleft mission, we had far more babies needing surgery than space available, so very sadly we were having to turn families away. We had set a weight requirement for the kids' safety, and we soon learned that parents were sewing rocks into their babies' clothing in the hopes that their kids would meet our 10 pound requirement. We also had begun turning away babies who were obviously younger than 5-6 months because we wanted to make sure the kids would do well under anesthesia.I was sitting in the intake room one morning when an anxious young woman came running in holding a tiny bundle. I could immediately tell that the baby was a newborn, and I asked our Chinese director to break the bad news to the woman that the baby was far too young for surgery. As she was given the news, the young lady burst into tears and began pleading and begging to have her child be seen. My friend came over to me and told me that I needed to go and speak with the woman in private, and so I did.She pulled back the blanket to reveal a tiny baby girl with severe cleft lip. The mother told me that her daughter was 28 days old, and that their period of confinement was over in just 2 more days. As she was crying and talking, the mom kept kissing her baby's forehead, and she kept telling me again and again, "I love her....I love her so much." But then she went on to tell me that her extended family would not accept her daughter since she had been born with a cleft lip. They felt this tiny baby would bring shame to them all. With tears streaming down her face, she told me that her mother-in-law was coming to take the baby away from her in two days' time. The mom was begging me to heal her daughter, to make her daughter beautiful, so that she could keep the baby that she had carried inside of her for 9 months….the daughter she loved completely.When I explained that the baby could not safely be put under anesthesia at four weeks of age, she fell on her knees and was sobbing at my feet, pleading and crying and begging me to help her. Right now...even typing this story....it brings a pain to my chest that I cannot describe.Over and over on that trip, I heard stories from birthparents who adored their children with cleft, but who were told the children could not stay in the extended family.I met a woman whose daughter with cleft had been taken from her by her in-laws while she slept. She never saw her daughter again. She had come to our mission after reading about it in the paper, to thank us for giving parents a chance to keep their children.....a chance she herself did not have.That trip changed everything for me about how I view birthparents in China. Many people give pat explanations about infant abandonment that cover the issue in blanket terms: “Babies are abandoned because rural families want sons.” “Babies are abandoned because the medical needs were too great.” Simple, one line sentences, to explain a personal life event that is often very complex.When it comes to human life, and heartbreaking decisions…..abandonment and loss.....I have learned that there are rarely simple explanations. Every single one of our children faced a great loss in their lives, but the reality is…..we have no idea about the deep, personal stories of the people involved. We have no idea who made the decision that a child couldn’t stay in the family. We have no idea of the anguish, or sacrifice, or resignation experienced. It is easy to think it was a birthparent who lovingly placed the child by the orphanage front gate, but it could have just as easily been an in-law or an uncle who was given instructions by the head of the family to remove the baby from the home.Every child has their own unique story. It certainly hurts more, however, to think that any of our kids have birthparents like the woman I met on that very somber day. There is still such a stigma surrounding children born with special needs, especially in the rural areas of China. For those of us parenting these amazing kids, the unknowns of their beginnings are very sad to think about, aren't they? Have you thought much about this issue? Do you normally think of a birthparent making the decision to leave a child? Or were you already aware that especially for children with special needs, many become orphaned to not bring shame to the family at large?"
Amy
Love Without Boundaries
I think it is a fair statement to say that most of us who have adopted internationally think that our child's birthparents made the decision to abandon their child. I have read many essays and poems where adoptive parents imagine the birthmother hiding in the bushes or watching until the tiny bundle is found. Perhaps that is how you imagine it to be as well. I know I certainly did, until I helped run a cleft mission where many of our patients were rural children with families.On that trip, parents told me one story after another that quite simply turned everything I thought I knew about abandonment on its head.I want to share one of those stories today, as I have been thinking so much about my son's birthparents lately.On this particular cleft mission, we had far more babies needing surgery than space available, so very sadly we were having to turn families away. We had set a weight requirement for the kids' safety, and we soon learned that parents were sewing rocks into their babies' clothing in the hopes that their kids would meet our 10 pound requirement. We also had begun turning away babies who were obviously younger than 5-6 months because we wanted to make sure the kids would do well under anesthesia.I was sitting in the intake room one morning when an anxious young woman came running in holding a tiny bundle. I could immediately tell that the baby was a newborn, and I asked our Chinese director to break the bad news to the woman that the baby was far too young for surgery. As she was given the news, the young lady burst into tears and began pleading and begging to have her child be seen. My friend came over to me and told me that I needed to go and speak with the woman in private, and so I did.She pulled back the blanket to reveal a tiny baby girl with severe cleft lip. The mother told me that her daughter was 28 days old, and that their period of confinement was over in just 2 more days. As she was crying and talking, the mom kept kissing her baby's forehead, and she kept telling me again and again, "I love her....I love her so much." But then she went on to tell me that her extended family would not accept her daughter since she had been born with a cleft lip. They felt this tiny baby would bring shame to them all. With tears streaming down her face, she told me that her mother-in-law was coming to take the baby away from her in two days' time. The mom was begging me to heal her daughter, to make her daughter beautiful, so that she could keep the baby that she had carried inside of her for 9 months….the daughter she loved completely.When I explained that the baby could not safely be put under anesthesia at four weeks of age, she fell on her knees and was sobbing at my feet, pleading and crying and begging me to help her. Right now...even typing this story....it brings a pain to my chest that I cannot describe.Over and over on that trip, I heard stories from birthparents who adored their children with cleft, but who were told the children could not stay in the extended family.I met a woman whose daughter with cleft had been taken from her by her in-laws while she slept. She never saw her daughter again. She had come to our mission after reading about it in the paper, to thank us for giving parents a chance to keep their children.....a chance she herself did not have.That trip changed everything for me about how I view birthparents in China. Many people give pat explanations about infant abandonment that cover the issue in blanket terms: “Babies are abandoned because rural families want sons.” “Babies are abandoned because the medical needs were too great.” Simple, one line sentences, to explain a personal life event that is often very complex.When it comes to human life, and heartbreaking decisions…..abandonment and loss.....I have learned that there are rarely simple explanations. Every single one of our children faced a great loss in their lives, but the reality is…..we have no idea about the deep, personal stories of the people involved. We have no idea who made the decision that a child couldn’t stay in the family. We have no idea of the anguish, or sacrifice, or resignation experienced. It is easy to think it was a birthparent who lovingly placed the child by the orphanage front gate, but it could have just as easily been an in-law or an uncle who was given instructions by the head of the family to remove the baby from the home.Every child has their own unique story. It certainly hurts more, however, to think that any of our kids have birthparents like the woman I met on that very somber day. There is still such a stigma surrounding children born with special needs, especially in the rural areas of China. For those of us parenting these amazing kids, the unknowns of their beginnings are very sad to think about, aren't they? Have you thought much about this issue? Do you normally think of a birthparent making the decision to leave a child? Or were you already aware that especially for children with special needs, many become orphaned to not bring shame to the family at large?"
Amy
Love Without Boundaries
Saturday, October 17, 2009
After helping me unload the dishwasher, Mason-Kate promptly threw her hands in the air and shouted, "I did it! Mommy, I did it!" I smiled and told her thank you. Apparently she wanted more. She came over to me, kindly grabbed my arms and said, "like dis mommy, do like me!" So I followed her instruction and threw my arms in the air. Then she said, "Sing with me mommy, I did it!" So, we sang and we laughed and we sang some more. The thing is, she has moves that only she can do. She throws in these random jumps and skips as she sings and dances. So cute. When I asked her if she wanted to take dance, she responded by saying, "yeah and my boys clap for me."
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
What To Do When You Are Two?
Mason-Kate is all of two years old. And she will show you in all of her many ways just what two years old means to her. She will giggle, she will dance around, she will take care of her babies, she will put herself in time-out, etc. She is two. Doing speech therapy with a two year old can be entertaining or stressful depending on the day. Today was entertaining even though, admittingly so, MK was being less than cooperative. The height of the session came towards the end when MK was being shown cards of the "hard" sounds. They have pictures of dolls, dogs, geese, zippers and such. MK can say all of them except "doll" for which she says "goll" every.single.time.no.matter.what. I realized today that she knows it is a hard word for her to say as she announced "no, Lisa, I can't say that word."
Another enlightening moment occurred this afternoon. The boys participate in a Spanish class on Wednesday mornings. There are two other children in the class with them and they have a sister from China (and a brother waiting to come home!). We have become good friends and try to have lunch together after class sometimes. Today we decided to dine at our house. The big children were all upstairs playing and the little girls followed along. My friend and I enjoyed "15 minutes peace" while visiting downstairs, no interruptions, no crying, nothing but the mumblings of happiness upstairs. Alas, as I have said before, all good things must end and so it came time for them to pack up to go home. Before I ventured upstairs, J, MK's friend, told me that she and Mason-Kate had been playing in Mason-Kate's room. I was so pleased. MK has a friend that she looks forward to seeing and playing with AND they actually played, together, alone, all by themselves in Mason-Kate's room. How sweet. Then upon entering MK's room, I realized why no one should ever leave two, two year old girls alone. To them, I am sure they saw nothing but beauty. They had very carefully taken every single piece of clothing out of MK's dresser and very diligently placed it on the floor. The girls, pretending to be the little mommys that they are, had gone to great strides to make sure their babies were well taken care of....they had gotten crib sheets and placed them in the doll bed AND it was neatly done. They had managed to spread out a blanket perfectly, no humps, and all of MK's puzzles were on the blanket to put back together again. It was quite cute. Later, after it was all cleaned up, I asked MK why she had taken it all out of her drawers and her response was, "Jaida, me, decorating my room mommy!"
Another enlightening moment occurred this afternoon. The boys participate in a Spanish class on Wednesday mornings. There are two other children in the class with them and they have a sister from China (and a brother waiting to come home!). We have become good friends and try to have lunch together after class sometimes. Today we decided to dine at our house. The big children were all upstairs playing and the little girls followed along. My friend and I enjoyed "15 minutes peace" while visiting downstairs, no interruptions, no crying, nothing but the mumblings of happiness upstairs. Alas, as I have said before, all good things must end and so it came time for them to pack up to go home. Before I ventured upstairs, J, MK's friend, told me that she and Mason-Kate had been playing in Mason-Kate's room. I was so pleased. MK has a friend that she looks forward to seeing and playing with AND they actually played, together, alone, all by themselves in Mason-Kate's room. How sweet. Then upon entering MK's room, I realized why no one should ever leave two, two year old girls alone. To them, I am sure they saw nothing but beauty. They had very carefully taken every single piece of clothing out of MK's dresser and very diligently placed it on the floor. The girls, pretending to be the little mommys that they are, had gone to great strides to make sure their babies were well taken care of....they had gotten crib sheets and placed them in the doll bed AND it was neatly done. They had managed to spread out a blanket perfectly, no humps, and all of MK's puzzles were on the blanket to put back together again. It was quite cute. Later, after it was all cleaned up, I asked MK why she had taken it all out of her drawers and her response was, "Jaida, me, decorating my room mommy!"
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Mason-Kate was born with a cleft lip and a cleft palate. Her cleft lip repair was performed in China when she was 5 1/2 months old. Her medical records state that she was part of the "Tomorrow Plan". I have always wondered exactly what that meant and today I got the answer. The Tomorrow Plan Project took place during the years of 2004 - 2007. It was launched by the Chinese government and was one of the largest humanitarian aid initiatives in history. Christian World Adoption agency helped promote and support this project. The purpose was to provide corrective surgeries to 30,000 orphans with special needs. Amazing!
Pryce announced today that he loves going to school in his pajamas. Me too! Many days I wear a hat due to the fact that we are just going to be around the house so why get all dolled up. Last week I took Pryce out shopping with me while Colin played golf. I told P I was sorry that I had a hat on AGAIN. He looked up and said, "It's ok mom, I like you like that!" He always knows what to say!
On most days I am quite confident when teaching the children. I feel as though I am teaching them what they need to know and then some, on most days. And then there are the days when I wonder why I am not as smart as they are! For instance, Colin had co-op homework that we were looking over together. One of his questions was about a maglev train. Assuming that he had no idea what this was, I told him he was going to need to do some research on it. No research needed. He quickly rattled off exactly what a maglev train was, how it operates and compared it to a monorail at Disney. Ok, so how did he learn this? His science book? No, he read it in a Disney book he read awhile ago! Unbelievable.
And Mason-Kate. She is so precious. She is still on her kick of telling us how much she loves us. When I tell her that I love her to the moon and back, she tells me that is too far! She is busy playing with probably the worst behaved child in her Mother's Day Out program so I am taking the approach that everyone needs a friend, even the not so obedient ones. She is growing up way too fast! Really.
Pryce announced today that he loves going to school in his pajamas. Me too! Many days I wear a hat due to the fact that we are just going to be around the house so why get all dolled up. Last week I took Pryce out shopping with me while Colin played golf. I told P I was sorry that I had a hat on AGAIN. He looked up and said, "It's ok mom, I like you like that!" He always knows what to say!
On most days I am quite confident when teaching the children. I feel as though I am teaching them what they need to know and then some, on most days. And then there are the days when I wonder why I am not as smart as they are! For instance, Colin had co-op homework that we were looking over together. One of his questions was about a maglev train. Assuming that he had no idea what this was, I told him he was going to need to do some research on it. No research needed. He quickly rattled off exactly what a maglev train was, how it operates and compared it to a monorail at Disney. Ok, so how did he learn this? His science book? No, he read it in a Disney book he read awhile ago! Unbelievable.
And Mason-Kate. She is so precious. She is still on her kick of telling us how much she loves us. When I tell her that I love her to the moon and back, she tells me that is too far! She is busy playing with probably the worst behaved child in her Mother's Day Out program so I am taking the approach that everyone needs a friend, even the not so obedient ones. She is growing up way too fast! Really.
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