Harsh, Yet Reality

I have never been on an exclusive mission trip.  I had no idea what to expect.  I took what I could from others experiences but nothing prepared me for my recent voyage to China.
I knew we would meet many children of varying ages with a range of needs.
I knew I wanted to be a part of a life-changing trip to help these orphans.  I wanted to be the voice that these deserving children needed to escape the life that they live day in and day out.
The children of this particular orphanage that we were allowed to interact with were taken care of.  They were fed - the louder one was, the bigger spoonful one got; one bowl and spoon per room with 20-25 children - these children were of all ages, slept in metal cribs with boards to lie on even if the crib was too small....these were the children who were either not walking OR were too disabled or too young to feed themselves.  But, they were fed.
They were given fresh clothing about every other day.  They had shoes if needed.  They were bathed once during our stay that I observed and they were either potty trained or diapers were changed accordingly.  They were cared for.
Their sleeping rooms were sterile.  There were a few pictures on the walls, each child had a little cubbie with his/her birthdate and name.  It was either eerily quiet or the opposite extreme in the rooms where these particular children were crib bound.  Children cried out in hunger, pain, or just shear desire to be held.  My first day in the crib rooms, I was immediately drawn to two cribs where two itty bitties slept.  Only, they weren't sleeping.  They were screaming.  I walked over and gently stroked the cheek of one and talked to the other, a simple touch and sound and they both quieted immediately.  I asked the nannie if I could hold one and she said no.  I didn't push the matter but instead walked away to peak into the eyes of the others who were waiting. My two itty bitties wailed and wailed.  The itty bitties were weighted down with these little blanket things.....it wasn't hurting them yet they were furious because they couldn't get their hands out from under the blankets.  So they laid there staring at a blank, dull, white ceiling.  Screaming.  I asked several more times if I could hold one or both but that was not to be allowed and eventually, after many long minutes of wailing, the tears dried as they both drifted off to sleep as I went back to stroking their cheeks.
Their needs were met.  They had been fed, changed, they had clothing on their backs, and they had shelter.
Downstairs, on the floor where most of our team spent their week, were the classrooms.  Most of the children who had the ability to walk were allowed to come to this floor for the majority of their day.  There were several classrooms, the air was lighter, the walls were more colorful, and many of the rooms had up to date therapy equipment or toys or arts and crafts in them.  It was somewhat cheerful.  The children seemed happy.  We were all amazed at how they just kind of did their own thing.....one minute one child was in a classroom and the next minute, they were on to see something else.  And they would just get on the elevator and ride from floor to floor, as they pleased.  We truly wondered what kept them from just leaving?  But what I can tell you is that those walls were all they knew.  The windows were up high, so high that most of them could not see out unless they were standing on a chair or being held up.  We asked to take them outside one day and we were told no.  It was too cold.  And it was cold but not too cold.  Alas, they flitted from art to music to therapy to acupuncture and back again....we were always waiting with open arms to greet them and they always came willingly with a smile on their face.  Some days they performed for us or we played a game as a group, the language was no barrier in these moments.
Their needs were met.  They had been fed, they had clothing on their backs and they had shelter.
But don't miss this, the thing they all lack is being cared about, being doted on, being held tight when they hurt, being loved like nothing else matters....they are cared for, in this particular setting, yet they are not cared about.  Harsh, yet reality.  The nannies have a job to do and they do it but they do not have time to do their job and really love the unloved.
Enter, our team.
Our team of 14 went in to do just that, LOVE the unloved.
For 5 days, we sung until our chords were hoarse, we painted until our fingers were numb, we improvised when all else failed, we kissed boo boos, made jokes, taught them an English word or three, wiped noses....by the end of the week, their little eyes brightened as they greeted us in the morning, they happily anticipated what their day held in our care, and we all got to see their individual personalities brighten.
Here is where I am broken.  I went into this trip with a purpose and that purpose was to advocate, be the voice to those who are unheard, the orphans.  I wanted to fight for them and help begin the process to get them well on their way to a forever family.  Out of over one hundred children that we actually met (there were probably just as many that we didn't meet plus the 40 that were "in Beijing for surgery"), three are being adopted and three are waiting to be chosen.  SIX children.  SIX.  Mind you, a handful of those kiddos are not able to be adopted due to their age or their family status, but SIX?  That is a hard number for me to swallow when I know and I saw the many children who are just as worthy.
A three year old girl, repaired cleft lip, otherwise healthy; a precious two year old girl who had weakness on her left side, otherwise healthy; a handsome little guy who had repaired meningocele, healthy as a horse and just a year old; several repaired cleft babies both boys and girls; several older kiddos with very doable needs....and the precious, cutest, squishiest little guy of all, our three year old little guy with DS.  Oh my heart.  This little guy was so smart, and so capable of everything we placed in front of him and just so stinkin cute!  This is his hour, his chance.....he NEEDS to be listed yesterday!
So each day I left feeling more helpless than the day before.  I had no voice.  These children will wait and I have come to realize that the voice they need now is in my prayers.  They need me to pray for them daily.  Pray that the heart of the orphanage director will soften and children will get files prepared.  Pray that she will see the urgency.  Pray that the SIX children who do have a chance will take it and run and shine bright in their new life!  Pray for their health.  Pray that it is not too late.  And give Him praise that my three girls were set free and given a chance to glorify Him.  Because, at the end of the day, any one of them could have been those babies in the cribs or the children we ran circles around all week.....harsh, yet reality.