Heavy Heart

This would be a post for those who have adopted a child with cleft lip and/or palate as it is mostly speech related. When we considered cleft lip and palate as a special need, we knew speech would be involved. We knew that because MK's palate was not repaired until after her first birthday, her speech would be delayed. We knew that her speech would be delayed because of her palate AND due to the fact that she had to learn an entirely new language once in the United States. We knew this. So why is it that today I have a heavy heart? Why is it that today I wanted my baby to fail? On every other day, I am boasting with happiness as she puts more and more words together. On every other day, I am so pleased to hear her putting phrases together, making requests, playing with her friends, singing songs that make no sense but today I am sitting here feeling a little helpless. Her speech is good. In isolation. She can make every sound. She can say two and three word phrases very clearly so that strangers understand. She will correct herself when I tell her she isn't saying something correctly. Yet, her speech needs work. Her speech, like most 2 year olds, lacks continuity, articulation and form. The frustrating part is that she is not like most 2 year olds. For "most" two year olds, their speech will form without therapy. For cleft children like MK, it takes work. Lots of work. MK speaks as well as she does due to lots of work. With the help of a state funded program called Babies Can't Wait, we have received services for speech since MK's arrival in the US at minimal costs. On her third birthday, those services will end and she will either qualify for services through our local school district or we will need to go private. Going private is costly. Going to school is not. So today MK was seen by a lady who will coordinate testing to see whether or not she will qualify for school services. I didn't get a good vibe when the lady pulled out MK's test scores from May and said, "Wow, you don't normally see scores this high!".....and that is when I began to feel the urge to just cry. Mason-Kate's scores are high. Mason-Kate can talk. She can be somewhat understood. Yet I want her to fail? Yes, because she needs work....she needs speech therapy, I need someone to tell me what is age appropriate and what isn't, she needs someone to tell her how to make sounds or suggest exercises to strengthen certain oral muscles. I don't want her peers to tell her she doesn't speak clearly or mock her for not articulating. Did I mention that insurance will not cover private speech therapy? Well, at least they haven't yet. And it will be a battle to get coverage. So disappointing. My mom would say, "This too shall pass...." and it will, but as for today, I have a heavy heart.