My greatest accomplishment is my family. My husband, my boys, and my girls. Growing up, I dreamed of my family. I planned for my family. My children. Early on, like in 6th grade, I decided four children would be good - two boys, two girls, respectively. And they would be spaced accordingly - two boys, two years apart, wait a few years and have two girls, two years apart. A really good plan.

Only, it was my plan, not necessarily His plan.

During our adoption of Maddox, I truly felt as though the child bearing stage in my life was over. Our last child. Our last adoption.

I will never forget standing in front of our hotel room as we were leaving. We took a picture and I had this sad feeling of saying goodbye. I knew we would not be back. At least not to adopt.

Adoption is exhausting. The decisions. The paperwork. The money. Or lack of. The referral. The waiting. The lack of control. There is nothing smooth about it until it is over and, even that, sometimes is not smooth.

And when Maddox came home, I felt full. Content.

Fast forward several months. I was innocently looking at pictures of children waiting for their families. A little girl MK's age popped up. Her expression was so sad. No life, no smile. Her hair was shaved. Her dark eyes looked hopeless. She tugged at my heart. I said to Ryan, "You have to come look at this little girl. She is beautiful!" He came over, looked at her photo and said, "If we only had the money." This statement took me by complete surprise. It shook me. My thoughts were not on adopting this little one, I was just looking at the faces of the hopeless, wondering what would be next for me, for our family, ie, mission work, etc. The beginning of the "unsettling" began on this day.....

Recently I have been trying to decipher my plan vs. His plan. How do you know the difference? Quite unsettling. We do not have the resources for another adoption yet we do have the heart for to care for the unwanted. Realistically, we know that we cannot save them all. But could we make the difference in just one more? When is "just one more" enough? I always thought I would just know; I always thought that four was the final count; I really thought moving forward with our four children was the plan from here on out - after all, one six years away from college, one close to braces, one facing surgery in the next year and one facing surgery in the next two years, that sounds like enough, right? Yep! Yet, the unsettled feeling creeps in and the wonder sets in.....

And the "what ifs" creep up....

We are simply praying through our feelings of what lies ahead for our family. You have all been wonderful to us, supported us and loved all four of our children like no one else can. We continue to grow with Him and should we feel led to adopt again, should the doors open, yes, we will answer. However, at this time, we will be still and listen.

My Guys

Colin finished up his first season of middle school basketball this weekend. Though their team lost this particular game, their team was quite impressive throughout the season. Ryan and I have loved watching Colin grow this year in a team sport. Where he used to be a bit turned off by the aggression seen in competitive sports, this season made quite the change in this particular trait. Now, he is a little aggressive. And he isn't as scared to get in the middle of the game. And he knows what it is like to win. And he likes that winning feeling.

In other Colin news, he had the opportunity to participate in a mock government day at our state house. The day was fun for all and everyone, even the "oldie" parents, learned a lot. To prepare for this day, Colin had to memorize scripture, read a book on US citizenship and write his own Bill to be presented to the student government. Oh, and the best part, was the purchasing of a sports coat. HILARIOUS. One has never seen a child so excited! I took the boys shopping for said coat and I was doubled over in laughter as they walked from mirror to mirror admiring themselves. And when the ties came in, the evening got even better. Lets just say someone really, really liked the bright red metallic tie - and it wasn't me!
And then there is Pryce. WOW. Pryce is in the middle of his basketball season and hasn't quite decided whether he is in love with the sport or not. However, he plays with gusto and he loves being on a winning team. Soccer comes into the mix next week. I love that he is wanting to give all of the above a try.

In between his sports activities, Pryce found time this weekend to attend the Pinewood Derby for boy scouts. Earlier this week, G-Dad found some time in his schedule to carve a car for Pryce; Ryan painted the car Friday night and Saturday morning Pryce took his turn on the ramp. We were all pleased when he placed SECOND in his division. So proud of P!
And then there is our furry little guy, Finley. I think his hair speaks for itself. We are driving him crazy!

MK

*Last night we were watching Pryce play basketball. There was an Asian boy playing on the other team. MK shouted, "Hey, look, that boy is CHINESE!" We acknowledged her excited statement and continued to cheer for Pryce. A bit later she looked at Ryan and said, "Dad, I know where that Chinese boy came from!" Ryan asked, "Where?" and MK stood up and pointed to this Asian man behind us and said, "He came from him, that guy! That is his daddy!"

*The other night as I was putting MK to bed she said, "Mommy, don't tell daddy, but something very scary happened to me at school today." I said, "What?" She said, "I got chased by a BOY!" (Giggle, giggle, giggle) I said, "Was that scary?" She said, "Well, that is my favorite game ever! I think Daddy will think it is a scary game though."

MK went for her annual cleft team appointment today. It was another one of those "lets just wait another year and see" kind of appointments. So glad for their annual assessments and their diligence in tracking her progress. Of course, I left a bit weary of what is to come, ie, the headgear, the facemask, the possible speech therapies because of said headgear and facemasks, the breaking of the jaw possibilities, not to mention her next surgery in two years.....yikes! For today, we live in the "now" and she is happy, healthy and loved by many!