Sometimes the statement, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff," applies directly to me. I sweat a lot of small stuff. This is true in our adoption as well. For instance, bonding and attachment is something that is largely focused on in adoption land and what I would consider a "large stuff" kind of topic. I don't sweat that. I do believe in it, I am aware of it, I am quite considerate of MK's needs, I do believe it can be a real issue. However, I do not sweat it. Instead, I sweat the small stuff. The "stuff" being the comments people make or the captions writer's write. I think I have shared before how I could do without reading a magazine caption where an actor/actress is pictured with her son, John Doe, and her "adopted daughter", Jane Doe. That drives me crazy. They are both the children of the actor/actress, yet they entered into that family under different circumstances.
The other day as I sat having my hair colored all sorts of colors, I was having a conversation with a lady in the salon. She stated something to the effect of, "Well, you know, she is not even her daughter. She is adopted." The person stating the comment thought nothing of it. However, the person hearing it (me) did. Did I say anything? Surprisingly, no, but I was thinking all sorts of stuff.
We are fortunate to have been able to parent both biological children and an adopted child. Do I love them differently? Yes, but not because they are bio or adopted but because they are different children, each their own person. My love for all of them is a parent's love, a love that no one else can measure because they are not my child's parent, I am. We are. We are the parents who laugh with them, cry with them, smile at them. We are the ones who diligently fix one carrots knowing he will not touch corn or cut up little pieces for fear of choking or give one a variety of foods knowing he will try it. We are the parents who hold them when they are sick and hug them when they have succeeded in a job well done. We teach them. We mold them. We make them feel secure. They are our children, all three of them. We are responsible for all three, committed to all three equally, divided by all three the same.